I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
