Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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