My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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