I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
