There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
