Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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