I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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