He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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