batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
