my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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