Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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