i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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