I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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