thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
COCAINE IS GR8
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
