The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
