lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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