Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
