Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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