just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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