Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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