Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
