You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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