I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
