You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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