I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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