Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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