More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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