You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
