census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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