I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
