"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We need to get me chipped asap
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