It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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