Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
