sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
