So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
