you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
