I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
