Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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