I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
