i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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