I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
