He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
