Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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