distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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