he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
