My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
