so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
