I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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