there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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