he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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