Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
