I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
