I want you more than these girls want KFC
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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