Having a random hookup so left but love u
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
