Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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