I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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