You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
