apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
