There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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