direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Less talking, more tequila
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
