Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
