Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Im part way to drunk.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
