Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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