the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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