Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
