So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
