3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize