she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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