i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
