yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
