Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Buhtt sex?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize